taking control as of today.

 .. and there it all goes

I was just looking at pictures from grade 10, wow absolutely hilarious. To think how far we have all come since then, everything that's happened and where we are now. I miss when we were young, time's going by so fast and i feel like i can't stop it.. not even for a second. I just want life to slow down. I need time to think about everything. About my life and where i'm going, and how i'm going to get there. What if where i think i want to go isn't really whats meant for me.. what if i'm just following whats expected of me, or just following what everyone else does. I don't want to make a huge mistake. I feel like i'm going in 1000 directions right now and i can't get a hold of one and keep it.


i need a sighnnnnnnnn, i need to get fucking hit by lightning or something
something to wake me up and open my eyes to the shit that's going on around me

i hate that i'm doing so well in school
i hate that my friends are so amazing
i hate that my family is some what normal at the moment
i hate that i have a boy that i love alot
i hate that i have so much to complain about

i hate that i'm never fully happy and content with my life
when you have too much going well, that's when there's too much to loose 

 every littlee fuckinggg thingggg pisses me offfffffffff
like the smallest things i just want to snap
fuckkk mann

 

                                        first day of the last day of highschool is almost over..
wide awake and i don't know what to think about that ^

alrightt i guess were okay?























and im a fucking retard.

When i said that to you i was drunk.. then i said it again the next night when i was drunk waiting for an explanation for how you reacted to it the first time..really tho ? nothing? Every other time we got into a fight about him or whatever there was to argue about you would always text me the next day and say sorry, or tell me what was going through your mind.. but this time it was clearly different. I'm not sure if you got scared or if what i said hit a bad memory of before, or if you just really didnt want me to say that but all i know is we haven't spoke in three days and we even saw eachother and still nothing.. you didn't even look at me.. like i get it you don't feel that way but really? you cant even look at me after me saying something like that to you. I think im starting to understand how you work now.. after six years of knowing you im finally understanding how you work.. the only time you can open up is when the other person is closed off.. well you know what fuck me for opening up once in a while and being able to talk to you and be your friend after so long.. it took me so fucking long to get to where we are and now i just fucked it up. But you know what.. you know what you dont understand.. i never said that i was.. i said i thought i was starting too and now after this.. i realize im not. I never wanted to hear it back.. i never wanted you to say it.. but i was looking for a reaction of some sort.. so i guess this is your reaction.. not talking to me. Thankyou for making me realize the obvious.. no one i love or that loved me would treat me like that.

give yourself a pat on the back laura you just fucked up everything
ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

HAhaha wow
why do i even bother?
shit goes both ways